he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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