i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
