I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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