I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
