i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
