I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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