went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
