Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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