You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
