Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
