I showed him my bush... on skype.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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