All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
