if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
