so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
