So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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