I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
