she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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