What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
