How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
