I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This baby is an asshole
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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