This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
