turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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