I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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