we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
