There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
