This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
