that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
