Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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