i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
