I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
