Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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