Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
