anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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