i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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