How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
