I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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