So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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