You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
