If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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