guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
