I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
