he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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