all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
