so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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