I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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