how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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