Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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