I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
