If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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