I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
