i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
