She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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