you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
