Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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