i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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