Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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