Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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