im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
