So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
