She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
