god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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