she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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