So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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