my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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