Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
