not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
