I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
