I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
