my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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