I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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