My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize