I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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