just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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