At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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