Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
