There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
