Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
