I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
