i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize