i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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